The Millennial Leader: An Introduction

I started laughing before I typed a single letter of this blog entry. “The Millennial Leader”–even the words make me laugh. I have to tell you, I have worked with a lot of millennials. In my current job, I started out surrounded by millennials. One was very smart but incredibly insecure; one was gorgeous but made very stupid decisions on the daily; and one was fairly smart and hard-working. All three were women. I currently work with one millennial male, and he’s a mix of all three of those. Somewhat smart, makes stupid decisions on the daily, hard-working, gorgeous (lol). He is a far better example of what millennial leadership should look like than the girls were–which, as a woman myself, naturally upsets me.

Millennials are the subject matter of leadership material everywhere; interesting, because my generation never needed books written on how to deal with us, work with us, or train us to be leaders. Seems most of us just naturally figured it out. But with these new generations, that is not the case. There are tons of videos, articles, and books that deal only with how to work with millennials and groom them for leadership. The truth is, millennials are a lot of hard work in the workplace. Looking at the four I mentioned up there, only one has moved on to do bigger and better things–the fairly smart hardworking woman. The rest are floundering, because they entered into an organization that did not train them properly, work with them on their skills (leadership and otherwise), and expected far too much of them in an environment not well-suited for them. That is partially the fault of organizations and companies worldwide; the rest of the blame falls on parents, culture, and millennials themselves who have been handled with kid gloves so they only respond to compliments, praise, and rewards.

And if there’s one place where millennials are getting far too many leadership opportunities and not nearly enough training, it is in the church. Don’t get me wrong; I see the need for millennials in our churches. We want and NEED this generation to be involved in the church and contributing to its success. However, we are doing them an injustice by not giving them proper training and support and making sure they are being healed from their issues prior to throwing them into ministry.

My church is no different. I can look across our campuses and see the involvement of millennials as pastors (youth, worship, children’s, even campus pastors). But I also see where we as a church have failed them. We plucked many of them from their former environments–where some of them are struggling to overcome family issues, addictive behaviors, and worse–and expected them to lead ministries and people without giving them the resources to succeed.

And as this is happening, the millennials themselves are demanding to “have a seat at the table”–to contribute and speak their minds without fear of failure. And all the while, they are failing to lead with integrity and failing to thrive because they refuse to be held accountable, refuse to give up their vices (desiring to be worldly and godly at the same time), and refuse to mature emotionally (and thus, spiritually). And I am watching it happen with great sadness.

And yet, my worship leader, at the tender age of 23, stands head and shoulders above his peers. I’ve led and coached a number of people in my lifetime, and I’ve been led by a number of people in my lifetime. And I am also very proud to say that he’s one of the best leaders with whom I have ever worked.

I am excited to share how a ministry team can thrive under a spiritually mature millennial who leads with integrity and honor. You don’t want to miss this!

It’s Been A While…

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Well, readers, it’s been a while since I posted, and for that I do apologize. Life happens, you know? However, over the last few months, I’ve realized how much I need to blog–how much I need to share what God is doing in my life. It’s my testimony, and it’s a way that I can get the word (and the Word) out to others. So I am hoping to blog more regularly now that my life has calmed down significantly. And I do hope you’ll come along for the ride!

Right now, I’m on vacation enjoying a few days to rest and rejuvenate. I haven’t had a schedule, an itinerary, or anything to do for a couple of days–and I’m away, so that’s been something new for me. Friends always make fun of me for my schedules and plans, but this is the first time I haven’t made any plans and have just listened to my spirit. And my spirit has said “REST.” So honestly, that’s what I have done!

I plan to share some of the exciting things that have happened in the last year of my life over two series of blog posts. One series will be entitled “The Millennial Leader” and will talk about a leader I currently serve with who is impressive. I’m excited to hit some of the highs and lows of this, because millennials often get the sham when it comes to their leadership skills. I’m lucky to work beside a millennial leader who is doing many of the right things–and then some. I can’t wait to highlight him!

Another series will be called “The Broken Road Blessings” and will chronicle a relationship in my life that started with a vision God gave to someone else for me. This will be my most difficult and challenging blog series I’ve written to date; the vulnerable nature of this series will have me sharing parts of my life and heart that I have yet to share with anyone, even my close friends. I think that’s because this will be the first time I’ve put this into words and seriously thought it out. Either way, I look forward to sharing this information with you.

And lastly, I plan to share some of the things I’ve encountered in my life over the last year regarding my health–physical, spiritual, and emotional, and I will call this series “First Aid.” I was recently diagnosed with a plethora of things, but praise be to God, God has healed me, and I want to touch on these things and how God has shown Himself faithful (as always) through these storms.

I’m excited about all that I have to share with you–and even more excited to get all of these thoughts out of my head! Thanks for being here.

Monday Minute: A Time to Grieve

I am grieving for my uncle who died today. 

He was a broken man who tried his best to do good. He made me laugh. He gave selflessly at times. I went with him to Vegas and drove a cross country trip with him during a huge turning point my life—we took the “cascenic” route, hitting every casino we could find all the way from Arizona to Virginia. He was a treasured part of our Siblings Cruise vacations. 

His last few years here were marred with health issues, his trademark stubbornness, and a depression that resulted from the fallout of a major stroke. I longed to see him laugh—giggle, actually—the way he used to when something tickled him. I was sad when he left for the west coast, knowing I might not ever see him again. 

I am grieving the man who gave me the down payment for my first car. The silent soul who said little but knew a lot. The friend who was kind to all, but close with only a few. He had far too many demons and far too little peace. I pray that Jesus saved him before he passed.

LL School Day: A Not-So-Holy Ghost

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When I first moved here, I made a friend through work, we’ll call her Carol, who was someone that I enjoyed. She was in her mid-20s, a hard worker, and pretty much a great gal. She confided a great deal in me, as I was one of the first people she met when she moved here–so our friendship grew, and she even invited me to her wedding earlier this year. Considering I knew not another single person there, it was still a great time and a fun event–though a bit of a stretch for this introvert.

Carol is super smart and often shared her struggles with me. I invited her to come visit my church several times (though she never did), and even shared some things with her. She was much like a sister to me, and someone with whom I truly connected, even though we had very little in common.

Carol eventually moved on from my company and got a new job, something she had been really wanting to do since moving here last August. I shared in her happiness, as I felt she had been wasting away here at my company. Our conversations thinned out a bit as she was adjusting to a new job and as God was stretching me and teaching me through a tumultuous time with my car. At one point, I texted her in tears letting her know that things just were not going well for me at the time. She asked if there was anything she could do, and I let her know that I might need a ride to the grocery store later in the week. She never responded to my request, so–knowing how busy she often is–I asked another friend to take me.

The next week, I was very caught up in the car drama, and honestly, I just did not have time to text Carol. But the following week, I texted her to see how she was doing. No response. I sent another text the next day, and again, no response. The next week, I texted her and asked if she was okay–on vacation or if things were well. Again, no response. After a conversation with my mother about the situation, I once again texted Carol and again was met with the same non-response. I truly have no idea what happened.

The abrupt ending to a friendship for a reason is one thing. But to have someone “ghost” me for no reason was quite hurtful. But I also know that sometimes, these things happen. Around the same time, I had asked God to remove anyone who might not have pure intentions towards me (I was praying out of the Psalms at the time). I don’t know whether this was an answer to prayer, but I do know that some friends are only in your life for a season. I am at the age where I can accept a not-so-holy ghosting of a friend, not totally understand the situation, but still trust that God knows best. And because of that, I rest peacefully and wish Carol nothing but happiness.

LL: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)–especially in relationships.

Monday Minute: The Ten Percent

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A few months ago, I was feeling terrible and not my usual “wild,” “full of life,” “crazy” self. I went to my church that evening and was subdued, to say the least. Later, someone on my worship team told me that they “couldn’t deal with me when I was like that.” Yesterday, I had another day where I couldn’t deal, and this time (though I attend a different campus now), I stayed home. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to interact with people–it was that I was afraid to. I wasn’t sure I could take someone else saying that they didn’t like me or couldn’t deal with me because I have emotions other than happiness.

Thee truth is, 90 percent of the time, I accept myself just as I am–crazy, wild, larger than life–even though those words are sometimes used as labels to invoke comfort by the giver. But then there’s the 10 percent–those times when I recognize that my full of life personality is the sole reason that people are scared to get close to me. And when I have a 10 percent day, it’s more important than ever for people to break down my walls and love me through it.

We all have those days–the issues may differ, but the days still happen. It’s not a question of if it will happen, but when. The challenge for us, then, how do we care for each other during these times instead of being dismissive? Because we are never more like Christ than when we love others while they are in the 10 percent.

 

Monday Minute: Giving Freely

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Recently, a friend surprised me with a text: “Hubby and I want to give you a gift, because we know God has been working with you in the area of money.” A single-income family, she and her husband gave me $150–the day before their second child was born.

I was completely humbled.

The next week, my car battery died. Total cost: $148.

I don’t believe in coincidences–I believe in God-incidences, times when God is challenging our hearts and thoughts to Christlikeness. In the moment, I thought, WOW, God. You knew I would need this $150 the very next week. You delivered it right on time!

But then the challenge came, and I remembered the words of Matthew 10:8–Freely you have received; freely give. 

I asked myself…where do I want my treasure to be? Am I someone who always receives freely but is hesitant to give freely? And what does it mean to give freely to the kingdom in this situation? As I prayed, I knew what the right thing was to do–and I did it.

Then I realized…this is the daily test of a Christ follower. To prayerfully consider the gifts we have been given, to receive them gladly, and to give them away even more cheerfully. So I challenge you, as we work out our salvation with fear and trembling, to give freely–however God tells you to do so.

LL School Day: Rush Our Days

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So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom. -Psalm 90:12

I don’t know how this got ingrained in my heart, but I like to rush EVERYTHING. I used to always vocalize how impatient I am about things, but a recent situation has me thinking about WHY I feel the need to rush everything. Last night, I was thinking and talking to Jesus, and the Holy Spirit whispered: Michelle, why do you always want to rush into everything? Why are you so afraid of enjoying the journey?

I don’t know the answer to that, and I have been thinking about it all morning. I don’t think it’s just me, I think we all have the tendency to do this at times. But some of us (ahem, me) are more apt to do it than others. I tend to future-think everything. If I make a decision to take this job, what does it mean for my future? If I befriend this person, where will our friendship be in 5 years? If I like something or someone, why can’t it progress at a quicker pace? This has been the story of my overthinking life for as long as I can remember.

I believe that some of this comes from my ridiculous need to daydream (i.e. overthink) about the future. I fear that it sometimes means I rush through the present. I rush through my relationships sometimes, trying to get to that “next level” in some of them instead of enjoying where they are right now. I rush through my job, trying to get to that “next level” of accomplishment or my career. I rush through my prayer time, trying to get to that “next level” of spiritual growth. I want these things so badly that I don’t take the time to truly enjoy where I am, right now, with the people in my life.

I was listening to a speaker talk about the Lord’s timing the other day, but in a sense that sometimes, by our words and actions, we actually say things that place curses on our personal timelines. “I wish this day had never happened.” “I hate Mondays.” “That was a whole year of my life wasted.” And I do believe that he’s right. But I also believe that in this specific situation, I’m speaking similar curses into my timeline and life by wishing things moved faster than they do. For example, if any particular situation in my life was moving at a quicker pace–let’s say my business was booming, would I have even thought about this specific place of needed growth in my life, with how I always rush things? Probably not…because I would be too invested in what’s would be happening and what would be coming next (rushing) instead of what I need to be learning while I’m waiting.

This is about more than stopping to smell the roses; this is about a change of heart and mind for me. This is about being present–hoping for the future, but not dwelling there in mind, body, or spirit. I encourage each of you to take stock of your thought patterns…are you dwelling too much on what’s going to happen next that you’re not enjoying what’s happening now?

Father, teach us not to rush our days. Help us to focus on Your timeline for our lives, and to enjoy where we are, right now, at this moment, so that we may gain wisdom and understanding from You. Amen.

 

Monday Minute: Time Share

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I just logged into my blog and realized that it’s been TWO MONTHS since I last blogged. That is CRAZY…and I believe it’s crazy because so much has happened, and I’m really mad that I haven’t been writing more . The Lord has been so good to me, and has shown me such extravagant love over the last two months, and I dislike that I haven’t been sharing it with you.

It makes me think about time…how we spend it, how we use it, how we lose it. I have been spending lots of special time with the Lord lately, and while I wouldn’t trade that for blogging, I have this blog so that I can share with you about identity and the Lord’s work in me. Part of the call on our lives, our ministries, is that we share what the Lord is doing in us and through us. So please accept my apology for not sharing more.

And I want to encourage you this Monday to not let time fly by you, either. Time is a precious gift, and we are meant to share it with others. Take time for yourself, take time for others, and most importantly, take time for the Lord.

“Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” -Ephesians 5:16

The Trio: Safe Supervision

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The Introduction

The first time I met my boss was during my interview; he had his head resting on his hands the entire time. He was exhausted, and there was no denying it. When you’re in politics, and a mercy gift to boot, it’s highly likely that you’re doing some people pleasing–and that was definitely the case with my boss. A compassionate man, he is always willing to listen and give people his time. Everyone who calls our office claims to be “a good friend” of his, and he knows more people than I ever will. (But like a true mercy, he has very few who are actually close to him.) He has told me many times that he needs a great deal of time to process, and he is married to a prophet woman who does a great job of giving him many of the things he needs. More than just compassionate, my boss is caring and has grown into his mercy gift at age 61. He has something that the other two in the trio do not yet have: maturity. And beyond that, he has what my coworker lacks: acceptance of his gift.

The Involvement

The involvement with my boss on my end has simply been that I have gotten to be led by a mature mercy male for the first time in a long time. It has been less about what I am doing to be involved and more about what I am learning through my relationship with him. I have worked under former mercy male leaders, and it has been disastrous in some areas. It is helpful that my current boss and his wife are devout Christians; that his wife has a solid identity and therefore does not feel intimidated by me or challenged by my involvement in his professional life; and that I myself am more grounded in my own identity in Christ. It is wonderful to genuinely care for my boss and see his gifts displayed in such a public way, with such maturity. He is incredibly good at asking for help in the areas where he does not have great control, like boundaries with his time. He is not only well liked, he is well respected by folks in all walks of life and is one of the humblest men I know. Working with him daily reminds me of how much I want a Jesus-loving, humble, grounded-in-his-identity, mercy male husband of my own.

The Importance

My boss represents something in a mercy male relationship that I have not experienced in a long time: safety. This is a stunning revelation to me, even as I write it. Last week, as I was thinking about this blog, I actually said to myself that I did not know what the importance of this relationship was–but now it’s very clear to me. Listen, I know relationships, people, even LIFE ITSELF is not safe. Nor did Jesus call us to a safe life. But I know that I have been avoiding mercy males–or at least keeping a safe distance–because of how many times I’ve been hurt by them. And while I am aware that Jesus assured us we would have a life full of troubles (John 16:33), I am also aware that we are to guard our hearts, because all of life springs forth from it (Proverbs 4:23). I am enjoying the safety of my relationship with this mature mercy male because we all need safe people in our lives. He does not flirt or lead me on intentionally or unintentionally; he does not use me to get his touch needs fulfilled; I don’t feel guarded around him because he is mature enough to set his own boundaries. That means I don’t have to guard my heart, because he helps in that area. So instead of feeling stressed and worried around him, I am enjoying a kinship with a mercy male, and our dynamic flows exactly the way God intended it to. We joke, we laugh, we share, and we naturally work well together but not in any kind of inappropriate or unhealthy way. In fact, he just got back from a week-long trip, and the first thing he did when he saw me was give me a hug. I did not feel used, I did not feel weird–I just enjoyed the cool, safe relationship I have with a mercy male.

There’s something to be said for feeling safe in a relationship. And while I know my ultimate safety comes from spending time in the arms of my Savior, it is nice to know that I can also find safety in a relationship with a mercy male who has no agenda except to care for those he leads. And that has been remarkably healing for this pushy prophet girl.

 

Monday Minute: Just Apologize

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A friend of mine skipped my birthday festivities and did not alert me he would not attend. He never called, never texted–just didn’t show and then went on vacation for two weeks. When I brought it up with him, his response was, “I’m a work in progress.”

That’s true. We all are.

But APOLOGIZE, dude! It’s two simple words–either “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.” When there is even a HINT that you could’ve hurt a good friend’s feelings, just apologize. It tells people you’re thinking of more than just yourself–it shows you care about others’ feelings.

So next time someone points out something you did wrong*, swallow your pride and JUST APOLOGIZE!

*not applicable to coworkers with severe insecurity issues who take everything you say as a sleight against them